May 07, 2024
Marriage definitions
"Marriage Definitions"
BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of
her alimony.
BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife
whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look
fat in a fur coat.
GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that
his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until
she doesn't do it.
HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized
he had.
JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits
the wife to beat the husband to the draw.
LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace
of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings,
and no recognition.
SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble
you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the first
place.
WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having any-
thing to wear at the very same time that she complains about
not having enough room in the closet.
"A German billionaire committed suicide Monday because the
financial crisis has reduced his wealth from $13 billion to
$9.2 billion dollars. Well who could blame the guy? He's
expected to live on $9.2 billion? The man's gotta eat!"
-Jay Leno
It was my turn to do laundry this week and when I went into
the laundry room I found FIVE comforters to be washed.
"Hooonnnneeeey!" I yelled.
"Yes?" she said poking her head into the laundry room.
"Why, for Pete's sake, are there five comforters piled up
here?!"
"Oh, well, I used them all and now they need to be washed."
she answered as if I were just a little slow.
"Wouldn't it be easier," I said, "if we just used one
comforter and then washed that every month or so instead of
washing five comforters every three months?!"
"No, because then I wouldn't be able to color-coordinate the
comforter with different pillow cases and bedskirts."
Well, that certainly justifies six hours in the laundry room.